Heavenly feeling

Life has now got more busy. Work has increased. R is growing. And suddenly it seems like she is growing in fast forward. Even though I am practically around her always, I didn't realise she had grown. Until she took her first few steps, unknowingly, like it was normal for her. I looked at her, gave her a big smile and asked her ' you walked on your own?'. She gave a big smile -which probably meant .' Yes Ma, I did and I did it well right?'. Now it's become a game of sorts. Of her repeatedly trying to walk from where she is standing to me, with a big smile, tongue out, and arms raised. And each time I can't help thinking- this is what probably heaven must feel like.

Mothers today

Todays newspaper carried two articles- one on how first 6 years of a child's life are important and the other about how to deal with 'difficult' mother. The second article really surprised me as I never had imagined anyone would write a book/article telling adults on how they should deal with their mothers. I also never thought anyone would categorise mothers into various types. This particular article broadly categorised mothers as being 'good enough' or 'difficult'. Now Good enough is not something that is associated with being a mother, but the author claims that many cultures and society unecessarily Expect mothers to be perfect. Which in a way makes mothers do things for their children in a way that she thinks is right for her child rather than what the child really wants. This is primarily based on what the society expects of her. I know I have started noticing articles on such topics off late as now I can relate to them better. But I wonder if such articles or discussion ever would take place when our parents were raising us. I doubt the answer is yes to that. In fact did our parents really think in such detail about parenting like the way we do. I don't intend to say that they didn't care enough for us but they just didn't know any better at the time. I am sure our parents consider us lucky to have access to so much of information making parenting easier. But are we really that lucky? Or would we be better off in the ignorant bliss? The two articles in today's paper made me wonder just that. It's good that so much is being researched and written about better ways of parenting. But probably somewhere it's also confusing us even further and at times affecting our judgement. Only time will tell what kind of mother I will turn out to be but I hope I am not a 'difficult' one :P

Now I am really one of them!

I used to wonder ( and laugh)why all mothers just can't seem to think beyond their babies, now I am one of them! I also would wonder why mothers are always so emotional and over protective, now I am one them! I coundnt understand why new mothers found it so difficult to come back to office, often deciding to quit work instead, now I am one of them (well almost, I haven't quit work. Not yet atleast). I have read and heard this a hundred times that mothers are amazing at multi tasking, although am bad at it but now I am one of them. I used to observe my mother and other aunts in the house waking up early in the morning, now I am one of them. It's a mixed feeling about day by day becoming the person I never thought I would Be or that I could be, because mother's job is a thankless job after all. And so I myself never considered it any great that my mother was doing so much for me and now I am exactly in the same position. Now ofcourse I appreciate her a lot more and would have loved her more if she were around. But I hope and pray that I do not pass on my fears to my daughter and that I provide the best environment I can for her to grow into the best and happy individual she can be. Love you R. Love you mom and miss you lot.

A Bangalore that is now hard to relate to...

Yesterday I visited a relative, livIng in the other end of the town. After having R, I haven't really gone out far much so this was the 'first' long journey I made after a long time. And it seems like the city has changed quite a bit. There are metro related constructions going on everywhere, lot of the shops I was familiar with are gone, there are new, better and bigger malls now. And the weather! It has become so hot this year. Gone are the days when weather used to be one of the reasons why people liked Bangalore. Trees have long gone, the hot weather had to follow- isn't it? I hope cubbon park and Lal Bagh remain when R grows up so i can take her there. Real estate business is another thing which seems be changing ( growing??) a lot too. Obnoxious land and apartment prices! Soon Bangalore will be the next Mumbai. I think I have said his before too. But it's true I feel. So many similarities. And not so positive ones. Bangalore is no more retirement paradise for sure. But at the same time I cannot imagine living in any other city. To borrow a line from a popular ad: 'tedha hai par mera hai'

Life is changing, fast..

Just yesterday, over one of my sms conversations with my friend (mother of a baby boy), mentioned how life has changed- taken a big turn almost. Although I had (and am sure my friend had too) planned and tried to mentally prepare for this big change called motherhood, I realise now that one can never really be fully prepared. From the first important experience- if its going to be a boy or a girl, to the day to day stuff - is she hungry now, is she growing well, will this dress fit her right,nappy change. Then there are things that I miss from my 'previous' life. Things that I am unable to do now, because I need to be with my daugher.
I had thought about them but I couldn't actually be prepared for what all of that meant. No doubt I am enjoying all of the above and more, but there are days where I just wish she would grow up enough to be able take care of herself. My experienced cousins and friends warn me not to wish that, as soon she will actually grow up and I would miss these days. I can see why, as there are many moments everyday where I just sit and watch her , admire her. Usually while she is asleep or while feeding. Because rest of the time she demands that we be with her and entertain her. I had thought by 3rd month I had her all figured out. I was wrong ! She is growing constantly. Its like being with a different daughter every week :). And like my Mother-in-Law says, there is no quite moment in a day when a baby is around.

I can already see some of the person she will eventually grow up to be. And thank goodness, I see some of the 'being active' genes in her (something surely not inherited from me :) ). Love you R. May God bless you with the best in life. Muvah!

Have I been busy or what?

Its been quite sometime since I wrote on this blog. But to me the time seems to have just flown by.

Over a year back we went on a romantic Paris trip to close the London Chapter and flew back to India early march'2010. We had only just settled into our newly rented apartment and office routines , that we found out we are expecting our first child. And I know what you as a reader may think (most of ours friends thought the same too !). But no, it was not because of the Paris trip :). Although I agree it would be more interesting a story to tell my daughter(who arrived in October'2011- just missing the opportunity of being the same sun sign as me by a few days).

The (almost) 9 months went by fast when I look back now. At that time it seemed like a long wait although I enjoyed every moment of it thoroughly. And not just because those moments eventually connected me to my child in a way others cannot connect, but also because I truly believed what other experienced parents told me - 'once the kid comes, you won't even have time for yourself and you will no longer be the one getting all the attention and pampering'. Very true!

I remember me and my husband would talk about the various things we plan to do for our child. We would plan everything from fun stuff like sharing hobbies, going on vacations with her to the more serious stuff like education and teaching her good values. Somewhere during that talk we would also wonder if it would be a girl or a boy. And I would say ' I need a girl, but boy is fine too'. So I consider myself lucky to have a daughter now like I wished.

And 'the plan' remains to be seen if they will eventually work out the way we originally planned them, because our daughter seems to have plans of our own already. She already has her likes and dislikes and knows exactly how to use her limited set of communication skills to get what she wants. And she is not even six months yet! But one thing is for sure, life ahead for me and my husband is surely going to be fun. So let me thank my daughter in advance - Thank you R.